It’s just 8 weeks

I’ve been procrastinating all week on my research assignment for class. This class is so out of my comfort zone.

Research Methods.

Just the name makes me shudder. It’s not about going to the library or how to interview people. It’s about Quantitative data. I even half-jokingly asked the research manager at my office if one of his interns could tutor me. He’s yet to assign anyone.

Last week, I submitted my first assignment – a short paper about my intended research project for the class and my professor ripped it apart. Your topic is too broad. Don’t use first person in your writing ever again.

So now it’s time for the next assignment and I don’t want to. This is the class in the program that I was dreading the most. It’s the one I’m just certain will break my 4.0. Just get through it, I keep telling myself. It’s 8 weeks. Seven to go.

And it’s a topic I know I’m weak in and want to learn more about. As I mentioned, I work with researchers every day on my job.

Saturday, 7:30 a.m. Cat under chair. Nick still sleeping. Coffee in hand. Cozy sweatshirt on. I can do this!

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“Damn I’m Good!”

Do you ever feel not good enough?

Yeah, me too. I’ve worked my ass off, taking classes, putting in 125 percent at work, doing freelance projects, putting together pitch letters to send to magazine editors and reading work by other great writers.

I’m good at what I do. I’ve been told since college when I was chosen from everyone in my senior capstone class to be editor of the special publication we put out. The journalism faculty chose me to represent the department at the annual scholars banquet. I was named editor in chief of the campus newspaper.

Yet, I still didn’t feel good enough. A few months ago, a friend called me out. Asking why I didn’t believe my analytics skills were good enough. I started to wake up. I am just as good if not better than most of the writers whose work I follow. Why not me? Why couldn’t I be the one writing the book, magazine article or ad copy?

No reason. It could be me! And now it is!

I got an email the other day from Amy Pearson, a life coach whose emails I subscribe to. She was giving a talk called The Fraud Factor: How to Go From What if I’m not Good Enough? to Confident, Successful and Damn I’m Good! (You can hear the call tonight. Sign up now!)

This looked like just the thing I needed to hear. Plus, since I’m freelancing this week, I could take the 90 minutes to listen.

The wise women and men in my life have been telling me to trust. Trust in my skills, the network I built for myself and the universe to provide everything I need.

Well, I’ll be. Did it ever deliver.

Now, I hesitate to say the universe provided for me. I feel like that underestimates my hustle – I’m the one who took those classes, wrote tons of pitches, nourished those relationships, practiced my skills and established myself. Whatever it was, though, I’m glad it delivered. And I’m so grateful to my friends, family, managers, yoga teacher and co-workers who supported and encouraged me.

My former company, Aquent, took a chance on me many years ago. My managers there encouraged me to take classes, which the company paid for. They supported me when I wanted to move to New York and do a different job. And they had my back when I wanted to move back to Seattle.

Within a week of being laid off, I was offered a new position. I also have freelance projects in the works and more doors opening every day. I’m bursting excitement to live this life I dreamed of. And dared to say out loud that I want.