East River, you're not invited.
East River, you’re not invited.

Welcome to Newest York City! Population: 8 million.

Bougie James had a brilliant idea. We ditch the island of Manhattan and surrounding boroughs and create a new New York somewhere with better weather and perhaps fewer superstorms. We will bring all the good of the Big Apple and leave behind the rats.

I’ve started a packing list, but you can add.

Take

  • Bagel carts
  • Broadway
  • Wafels and Dinges truck
  • The Brooklyn Nets
  • Crunch Gym
  • Water
  • Accents
  • Bronx Ale House
  • CPZ penguins
  • The Met
  • Park Avenue Armory
  • Chelsea Piers
  • Upright Citizens Brigade
  • The Meatball Shop
  • Zog Sports
  • Brooklyn Bridge
  • Bodegas
  • Produce stands
  • Grand Central Station
  • SoHo
  • West Vibe Salon
  • Westside Opticians
  • Cronuts
  • Jimmy Fallon
  • John’s on Bleecker
  • The subway (but wash it first)
  • New York Rangers
  • WNYU
  • Brooklyn Brewery
  • International Center for Photography
  • MoMA
  • Chelsea Market
  • Sidewalk sunglasses sales
  • Tribeca Film Festival
  • No pants subway day
  • Bike lanes
  • CitiBike
  • Sample sales
  • Katz’s Deli

Leave

  • Rats
  • Times Square
  • Staten Island
  • Pedicabs
  • The Knicks
  • Wall Street
  • Mid-City Gym
  • East River
  • Rockettes Christmas Spectacular
  • Yankees
  • Horses
  • Guys in finance
  • Princesses
  • Radiators with two settings: Off or 1,000 degrees
  • Corner markets
  • Penn Station
  • Crabby post office staff
  • Slow walkers
  • Jay-Z
  • The Today show
  • Film production
  • Sidewalk umbrella sales
  • Blue Man Crew
  • Show time subway dancers
  • Cockroaches
  • Dunkin Donuts
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