Readers who don’t care for cussing can skip this post and read Oprah magazine. Instead. Here’s a link.
This is the first-ever co-written post on my blog. You excited? I’ve been excited for it all week!
Today I’d like to introduce you to Bougie. You may have heard me refer to him as James before. He also goes by his stage name, Bradley Cooper.
James would happily tell you the story of how I hated him when we met. I didn’t actually hate him. I just wondered what kind of person drops f-bombs on the office on his first day. For his part, he thought I was the typical New Ya-wk biatch.
Somehow we became friends, “brahs.” He still drops f-bombs everywhere he goes, but he’s super good to me and always up for crossing something off my life to-do list with me. Recently an acquaintance of mine disrespected me on the sidewalk. I told Bougie about it. His response, “I’ll punch him in the balls myself!”
Bougie learned that I’m no New Yorker and not always a biatch. I blew his mind when he learned that my beloved Papa isn’t really my grandfather. “Wait, you’re nice?”
Bougie, a native New Yorker, has been teaching me to be a better New Ya-wker, which seems to involve a lot of talk of punching people. One of our favorite pastimes is him translating my sweet Minnesota and passive-aggressive Seattle phrases into New York. Here are some examples
By Bougie James
Thanks so much for helping me out. I really appreciate it.
–big-ups for da assist, yo. mad love.
Could you maybe stop doing that please?
–you best put an X on that.
I strongly dislike him.
–this dude is straight up weak sauce.
Excuse me please.
–da fuck, son?
Last night I went to the bar and got so wasted.
— yoooooo last night i got LIFTED at this ill spot.
I went to wine country with James and Navani. They’re good people.
–Navani and James are the tits, son. (PG variation: Navani and James are real good cats.
Those pumpkin cookies are so good!
–Pumpkin cookies are bangin!
May I have a banana please?
— Break me off a banana
Would you like to come over for dinner? I’m making soup.
— We grubbin at my crib? I gotchyou.
I love your shoes!
-Your kicks are the jump off.
Congratulations on your (huge accomplishment)! I’m so proud of you!
-I got mad love for you dog.
Thanks, Bougie. I got mad love for ya, dog.
James is growing a mustache to raise money for prostate cancer research. Show him some mad love! http://us.movember.com/mospace/6561645