Things therapy ruined for me: Neediness

The cat has been crying at me off and on since I got home from my vacation this morning. I fed him, washed his bowls, played with him, brushed him and rubbed his ears. His crying is driving me crazy, and makes me want to put him in the bathroom, so I don’t have to listen to his whining. Not the result he’s after, no doubt.

It's nice to have a SUP buddy, but I'll go by myself, too.
It’s nice to have a SUP buddy, but I’ll go by myself, too.

But we humans do the same thing. Whatever it is we need/want most, we push it away.

How do I know this? BECAUSE I WAS THERE! I know what it’s like. As confidence in a past relationship dropped, I got needier. I made myself always available to him. I got sulky at him when he didn’t make himself always available to me. When I got needy, he backed off even more.

Now, I find myself reacting the same way to other people. When I get whiny texts or people come to me wanting to unload their daily complaints or the cat sits on the floor whining, I want to stop responding, yell, “fix your shit!” and turn away. (Note: Just when it’s excessive. I can handle some ‘agh! What do I dos.”)

It’s draining to be around someone so needy, right? I can’t take it. And then I feel bad because I do know what it’s like to feel left out or desire for attention. It’s not a good feeling. But desperation shows. It might not be as obvious as the City Kitty, crying on the floor, or a baby whining in a crib, but endless whining from someone who doesn’t want resolution or to take any personal responsibility is so annoying! Friends stop inviting you along when you pester them all the time. People don’t want to date you when you try so damn hard to get a date. No employer wants to hire someone who will do anything for a job.

Here’s the secret: You’ve got to learn how to fulfill yourself and quit looking for anyone else to do it for you. Get out there and invest in you. Do what makes you feel happy and don’t wait for someone else. You are the best investment YOU can invest in. And there’s no shame in faking it until you make it.

So I challenge you to take a hard look at what you’re doing to prevent the life you want. I’ll do the same.

PS Check out Caley’s new page. She’s full of great advice for kicking the roadblocks out of your way. She helped change my life.

Published by Candace

I’m a journalist, nutritionist, doting auntie, one-time bobsledder, and wannabe health nut (who loves chocolate and pizza too much to fully commit). I don't want you to think my life is perfect. It's not.

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