I’m too old for this

It’s Saturday night and my roommate is getting ready to go out. It’s a long, involved process. First he did some trial runs with makeup, then he painted his nails, then he took a shower. Now he’s doing the real makeup. Next will come the dress, wig and final touches.

The whole thing exhausts me. While he was getting ready, I did two school projects, updated my dad’s website, went for a walk with a friend, packed three boxes, and made and consumed two meals.I can’t wait until he leaves, so I can pick a movie and change into my jammies. It’s 10:00. I’m tired.

Anyone who knows me at all knows I hate going out to clubs. Hate it. Halloween or otherwise, I say no thank you. If I’m going out with friends, I want to be able to hear what they’re saying. I know, I sound like my grandmother. I also remember when I was home from college one summer and getting ready to go to a house party at like 10 p.m. My mom saying something like, “but 10:00 is time to be coming home, not just going out.”

She was right. At 10:00, I like to know my bed is near, not far.

On an episode of “How I Met Your Mother,” the gang made a list of things they were too old for. It was things like: Pay my friends in pizza and beer for helping me move, crash on a friend’s futon instead of getting a hotel room … things like that.

Anyone who knows me at all also knows I am not one for excuses, but there are some things you could say I’m too old for:

1.Calling my mom “Mommy.” I love my mom, but it creeps me out to hear grown adults refer to their parents as “Mommy” and “Daddy.” Sorry, Mom & Dad, those days are over. But I still love you and you are the first people I call when I get an owie on my elbow and need to make sure I’ll live.
2.The days of not being concerned about my retirement accounts. Yeah, I trust only me to take care of my financial security.
3.Sleeping on the floor.
4.Internships. This is one big factor holding me back from grad school. Most programs require internships. No chance I’m quitting a full-time, insurance-subsidizing, 401(k)-matching job to work for nothing.
5.Cheap furniture. Yeah, my place now is full of Ikea, but I remember my real stuff back in Seattle. Huge thanks to Chad and Lora for taking good care of it.
6.Being blissfully uninformed. You know what? The things politicians talk about do matter. Whether our capital gains are taxed, what we do about Libya, the value of the euro, education in Africa. It might seem far away, but it matters. A lot.
7.Eating crap and not exercising. Somewhere around age 28, poor health decisions started affecting my waistline, mood and energy levels.
8.Hanging out with people who don’t bring out the best in me.
9.Binge drinking. If I think way back, I think I was once able to drink five drinks in one night.
10.Sleeping all day. I’ve reached a point in my life, where I don’t feel good about myself if I don’t change out of my pajamas all day.

Published by Candace

I’m a journalist, nutritionist, doting auntie, one-time bobsledder, and wannabe health nut (who loves chocolate and pizza too much to fully commit). I don't want you to think my life is perfect. It's not.

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